Taking Back the Night and Overcoming the Fear

On this day, at approximately 6 o’clock at night, on October 30, 1986, I was walking home from school after an evening of drama practice.  I do not remember which play it was; however, an event occurred that changed my life forever as I began to fear this date for the last 28 years.  A kid younger but bigger than me decided he wanted me and was playing it a bit rough.  He and his buddies had followed me home a few days prior and had harassed me but now this kid became bolder as he came at me in the dark.

I was able to keep moving and lead him towards a lighted apartment complex where I screamed my loudest and hardest.  That scared the kid and he took off into the dark so I ran home, afraid that he was following me home.  The police were called and soon the kid was arrested since he lived just a few houses down from me.  Sadly, a few days later, his father was in a car accident in the neighborhood and the kid was charged by was on probation for a while.  I never knew what fully happened to him.  Prayerfully, he got the help he needed and is no longer terrorizing people.  My parents went on with their lives as I continued to live in fear.

At that time, I was part of the Washington State Patrol Explorers group and had an event on Halloween, the next day.  I tried not to be afraid as I sat in the dark and monitored the parking lot; however, after the event, I was afraid especially since my parents were late in picking me up.  Not until they arrived, was I able to finally breathe again.  After that event, I was afraid to walk alone though I still continued to do so because I could not let fear rule my life; however, I would remain fearful as October 30th approached and I wondered if I would ever feel safe on that again as some of the fear lessened over the years.

tonight. I went to the church in preparation of its Light the Night, or October 31st event.  We had to walk around the church and pray for this event so I did for the first two laps on my own.  It was dark and I wondered “should I be afraid?”  As I prayed and walked, I blessed God for protecting me and being at my side as I overcame the fear.  The enemy can no longer control my emotions on October 30 – I have taken this night back from him and have given it to God.

After all, God is the God of peace and with Him at our side, who should we fear?  We need to put our trust in Him and not live in fear.  Though it can be tough to put our trust in Him especially tonight as I fear for my husband’s health as we hear more reports from tests.  I want to stay in with him and just live my life in fear and yet I am reminded that God is in control and I have nothing to fear so I stepped out in faith, this night that changed my life so many years ago, and took control of the fear as I let God work in me to bring perfect peace.

What fears are you holding back from fulfilling your purpose or journey?  Whatever it is, seek God and ask Him to give you peace and remind the enemy, that he has no control over you and you are taking back whatever he robbed you of.

And to any woman who has lived this type of fear for only a short time or most of your life, like I have, I am praying for you…

Life and Storms

So, this week has been a week of trials and some good.  You often wonder why God tests you to the point of feeling as if you are going to break as you wonder if how much you should continue to have faith in Him.

The trials have included worries about finances as we wonder if our finances will be blessed.  My husband’s health as even tonight he may have had a TIA.  We had tests down this week and wait for the results.  Yet I worry as these TIA episodes are occuring more frequently in the last few months.  Then, his care while starting a new class.

As I start this new class, the webpage for my class does not want to cooperate – it is the only webpage on my computer not working so I was told it was my connection.  Yet, wanting to fix it on my own (and not listening to helpdesk), I decided to do a system restore and see if something was causing the problem.  Taking too long, I stopped the program and managed to crash my computer.  Yep…the computer that has all my important stuff on it and what I use for school  – crashed and burn. After much hair pulling, I found a way to back up all important documents and restored everything through a clean sweep and restore of my computer.

More panic came as I remembered all the software was still packed away along with any registration numbers, etc. for such software.  So, last night was spent worrying about all that needed to be done to find and reload the software.  Thus, this morning was spent climbing over snow tires and other boxes in our storage in search of software.  Managed to walk away with a few scratches and near falls but I survived the adventure and found what I needed quickly.  I was able to restore most of my laptop though there are a few things that need figuring out like how to restore my spare monitor.

These trials and storms remind me that I have a weakness that does not always call on the Lord in prayer.  I must admit I need to do more of it and not go into panic mode.  I need to rely on God more during these storms as my husband, even with not him not feeling well, prayed in the background.

Furthermore, as I fought the depression, I saw these words from a bible study called Girls with Swords by Lisa Bevere:

“Don’t allow the surrounding pressure to depress you or oppress you.  Don’t allow the enemy to cause you to imagine it is an invitation to a beating.  The pressure from all sides is part of a divine plan to mold and fashion you into someone with substance and depth.  You will come out of this womb of tempering, drawing a breath of strength.”

Yes, even during these storms and trials, I need to remind myself that God does have a plan for us and that I need Him and I will not allow the enemy to drag me into depression or fits of panic since I am a warrior daughter of the most high King and He will help me through these storms and out of the “shadow of death” or depression.

In conclusion, as I write this blog and study God’s word, I am feeling that peace and know that God is in control with our finances, my husband’s health, and even when a computer crashes.  Yet, now as I finish this blog, I was tested again and failed when I thought the blog had disappeared.

I won’t end with a question but with a reminder that we will fail at times even during a test yet we still need to focus on Him and submit to God and His will.

We can walk to church…

Well, the doors have been opening up for us as we prepare to move to Medical Lake. Today, we signed the lease and did all the other paperwork. So we are almost set to move two weeks from today…quite the journey.

We’ve spent the last two days exploring and getting to know the ‘hood. There are a ton of camping grounds and we counted at least 4 – that’s right – 4 lakes within a few miles of our apartment. One is less than a mile.

We have a gazillion parks including one that is just steps from our back door plus a high school football field practically in our backyard. Yep, Friday nights will get interesting around our place this fall…

The people are friendly here and we discovered we’ll have to do something we have not done in like forever – actually going to the local post office (which is walking distance) to pick up our mail…as we reserved our box, we have a friendly chat with the postal worker and met a friendly woman who welcomed us to town.

This is a beautiful town and its quiet. Traffic is practically nil including taking I-90 into Spokane during “rush” hour. What a big difference between here and the Seattle-Everett area. “Rush hour” traffic is like mid morning traffic in Everett on I-5. People say they rarely get stuck in traffic – so true! Unfortunately, there are a few drivers even around here who will test your patience…sigh…guess they are everywhere.

Another cool thing is that I needed a measuring tape (thought I left it at the hotel only to discover it was in the car). I found the local hardware and walked in to see a cat sitting on the counter. Yep, a very friendly kitty cat who lives there. Again, met friendly people like the guy who helped me select a measuring tape out of a gazillion choices.

Our next adventure was locating a washer/dryer for our new apartment. Our new landlord recommended a place. So, we went over and found a great washer and dryer and again, friendly people at the place. He was playing great Christian music (we have a great Christian radio station here) and I asked if he knew of any churches. He knew of one but it’s too far to travel…think we’ll stick to the churches in our new town. We can walk to them and become involved. Yeah!

I can go on and on about our exploration including the friendly and warm yard sales where people believe in selling the stuff and not making big bucks. Unfortunately, we were not able to find what we needed but we will be back. Or, how I almost got stuck in a carwash (do not like self service ones) but it was a laugh…even Dene’s doc has found medical resources for us. So, things are looking up as we prepare for this journey.

Finally, the welcome mat in Medical Lake reminds me of the following verse from Matthew 10:40 (NIV):

Anyone who welcomes you welcomes me,
and anyone who welcomes me
welcomes the one who sent me.

So, what doors are opening up for you as you prepare for your own journey? Are you finding people who welcome you to their community? I pray so and please feel free to comment.